Monday, October 17, 2011

Faking It

My day started with a boost of confidence.
No wait.
What's the opposite.

About to jump in the pool.
Two lifeguards chatting and I hear one say:
"See. Now Mike. He goes to bed at 11."

I walk up to her.
"I'm sorry, did I hear that right?"

She says, "Yeah. You go to bed at 11 o'clock. I can tell by your face!"

When I asked for the relevancy of this conversation she reminded me that some of the 5AM swimmers go to bed at 8PM.

I mean.
I can't go to bed before my kids!

In fact, I have the day off work.
So, I gave myself only about 3 minutes to throw on my swim trunks, fill a water bottle, flip my flops and run out the door.

Normally I have at least 20 minutes to prep in the morning.
Which probably makes the difference here.

When I bought my first electric razor a few years ago the instructions said:
"Wait at least 20 minutes after waking before shaving. To relieve the swelling in your face."

That's a fact.
I don't know why but my face is definitely swollen when I wake.

40 minutes of swimming later, I pop out of the pool and ask:
"So! Do I look any better now?!?!"

I should have just kept that thought to myself.

As I remove my goggles revealing deep goggle-marks on my face.
So sad.

I look terrible in the morning.
That's something I can't fake.

But I can ALMOST fake a game of golf.

I learned yesterday at the kids' Parent-Junior golf competition.

I was paired with my son Goodles for 6 holes at the local country club.
My daughter Honeybunny paired up with her grandpa.

Parents and kids alternated shots on each hole.
It was so much fun!

I can't golf.

In fact.
It was only the 3rd time that I have swung a golf club.

And we survived!

The kids both did great.
They've been practicing for nearly 2 months now.
And they've developed some good golfing habits.
The instruction they've received is simple and repeatable.

I applied it to myself.
And it worked pretty well.

Among my difficulties, adults were only permitted to use one club.
And while it is easy enough to identify the "good club" to use, which for me was a 7-iron, it is difficult to play a full hole with that limitation.

For instance.
That's the first hit at each hole.
Off the tee.

"Drive for show. Putt for dough."

Oh, we were allowed to use a putter, too.
That was a last minute announcement. To protect the greens.

OK, so I try to Drive. Hit a golf ball, off of a tee, with a 7-iron.
I guess I teed off 4 times.
Only once did I completely flub it.

My Drives were remarkably decent.
All luck.
I was powerless.
Could not control distance, height, direction or hook.
Don't ask me how it worked out so well.

Things got better on the fairway, or short grass.
Which might be the rough. Or not.
When I hear "the rough" I think of tall, unfriendly grass.

Either way, the 7-iron blessed me with mostly good shots on the approach.
Honestly, poor Goodles had to bail us out whenever I made any bad shots.
He would hit them back onto the fairway :-)
Love that kid.

Putting was best left to Goodles, too.
I guess a real putter, not a "miniature golf or 'putt putt' putter" works alot better.
I kept overputting.

It was more popular to let Goodles sink the putts anyway.

I will tell you.
It was so much fun.

And the other adults had similar experiences, in spite of their experience.
So we were all smiles.

It was such a relief to fake those 6 holes.
Although, I think my Saucony Pro Grid 4's gave me away.


Denise said...

i always say my face is swollen in the morning, too!!! and as a 5am swimmer, i do go to bed shortly after 8pm. but i don't have kids to stay up past...

ihaverun said...

Why is 11 pm the earliest I can get to bed lately too? And my girls go to bed bewtween 7-8!

I'm not sure if my face is swollen in the morning. I'll have to pay more attention.

Love, love, love the golf recap. And I'm glad you used the "good club." Sounds like it worked.

PS - This post's title rocks.

Molly said...

I am so not a golfer. The last time I played, I wore jeans.

And as I type this, my morning face is PUFFY.

and.....I agree with you, we're putting Disney on the credit card. What's a little debt, eh?

henniemavis said...

Hey, for the record, I LOVE puffy morning face.

Reason #1: puffy face means I just enjoyed some SLEEP :-)

Reason #2: When you have "expression lines" (wrinkles is such an ugly word), puffy face "fills them in." For an hour or so every morning, I get to look under 30 again, instead of mid-40s. It's true! You wait ;-)

Cute golfing commentary. Of course Goodles was born to putt! Gentle touch (swimmer arms are hurting your golf game, padre), plus he's low to the ground... better line-of-sight. Next time, putt with your weak arm & do a belly-crawl to line up your angle beforehand?